Sunday, August 09, 2009
Phew! This hectic week is finally over. Monday and wed CCA, Tue had pw filming, Thur had formals till 10pm and Friday was ND celebration, GEMS, movie followed by GE prac. Glad that I recharged myself on Saturday morning and afternoon! Then went to Yijiao's house for fac comm gathering/Wangchi's b'day celebration.
Things are getting tough and I'm losing faith. Somehow, it feels like everything is beyond me. Is it me who is deteriorating or are things getting more and more difficult? In the past, no matter how tough things were, I knew I'd be able to find a way if I had the will. Now, it seems like things are so tough that I cant touch the safety line; it's way beyond my reach. It really sucks to be not good. Cos I need to go extra miles just to be on par with others. Sighs. My confidence level is falling. I've no hope in whatever I'm doing. I'm losing myself. I don't wanna think anymore. I'll just do my best in whatever I have to do. PS: It really sucks to be a lousy loser.
I realised that my b'day is coming soon. This makes me angry cos I havent celebrated chewfei's b'day (recall when her b'day was.). It seems like we don't have a free day in common. We're always so busy to find the right time for celebration. Damn. I'm such a failure. Why make it so extravagant? Why didnt I settle it in a simple way? So what if we've prepared everything way before 26 mar? We cant even find a day to make everything happen. It's such a failure that it hasnt even occurred. FAIL.
Yes, i'm very unhappy with myself cos i think im very lousy this yr. Cant celebrate my fren's b'day, cant do well in blocks, cant produce an error-free prog bklet (even if it's normal to have error, i still made a big mistake), cant finish econs essay in time, cant even play liulang properly, cant tiao gong after a month?! Everything is not going in my way. You know, i feel that I'm such a lousy shit that I should just vanish in this world (haha ok, dont worry, i don't mean that i wanna commit suicide. that's stupid btw.). Dang... I'm really pissed with myself.
I think I'm becoming paedophilic. I enjoy looking at kids play. Cos I miss that innocence in their happiness. At least when they laugh, they're truly happy. It's so hard to be genuinely happy now. You may say that i'm pessimistic or whatever, but doesnt it make sense that life will only get worse as it progesses?
Ok fine. I should cease my anger for now. It's pointless but i just cant help it. Oh well, I'm excited about watching fireworks with layting and szemin later! Wheeeeee! I hope we get to watch n the crowd isnt THAT BAD. hahaha! Anyway, I'm in love with Rachael Finch. (Who is she?!) She's Ms Australia! I was site hopping just now and went to the Ms Universe website. She's stunningly gorgeous! Let me show you the evidence. Muahahha...
Are you drooling now? LOL! I HOPE SHE'LL WIN THE CROWN FOR MS UNIVERSE! COS SHE DESERVES IT! :D:D:D
Perhaps it's not bad being a bimbo. Brainless but good-looking. At least you win the attention just based on looks and can earn money using that avenue. Look at the artistes and models, they earn a lot. Unlike me, I'm a goner. No brain and no looks, no future. OH! I don't mean that Rachael Finch is stupid, this thought just occur to me suddenly haha.
4:48 PM
Till we meet again..
